The Aussies have a certain way with words and in the case Adam Seymour with his hands also. He grew up in the countryside of Victoria, Australia where his ginger hair made him a ‘ranga’, derived from orangutan. He studied art in Melbourne and eventually landed a job at the prestigious Museum of Modern Art in New York City. Low pay, the high cost of living
A stimulating and possibly life-changing show
and financing his art soon made him rethink his immediate future. Already familiar with massage techniques he created an alter ego, Rural Ranga, quit MoMA and started ‘to give massages with happy endings to homos and business daddies’.
That paid well. He kept a record of his work and has since published a sketchbook with brief notes of some of his clients. In Wank Bank Masterclass he tells his story and demonstrates the techniques he developed from his study of Taoist genital massage.
There was a lot of nervous excitement on display before the show began. Excited chatter, giggling and looking around to see who was present all came to an end once Adam made his entrance. Standing behind his table he seemed more like a nurse than someone about to reveal the secrets of male masturbatory massage.
With introductions over it was time to get down to work and open up the take-away goody bag. Inside was the Wank Bank Masterclass instruction sheet, with its laminate protective covering and sample packet of very silky lubricant complete with condom. Bringing 1500 of those through customs was no doubt one of the more surprising responses to “Anything to declare, sir?”. Lurking In the bottom was of the bag was a large cucumber and no prize for guessing its purpose. In Australia Adam uses carrots, but apparently the ones over here just don’t measure up. To complete the ejaculatory equipment pairs of balls tied into a balloons were handed out.
Then the real fun begins. A volunteer is required to carry out the demonstration and after a little hesitation the first one comes forward, is laid on the table and with a cucumber firmly wedged between the legs action commences. Those expecting anything dirty, raunchy or smutty are soon disabused. It’s all very light-hearted and good fun but the masterclass is just that: a serious transmission of knowledge and skills that anyone can use to further their own or someone else’s sexual pleasure. Over twenty techniques, each with their own name, are demonstrated before it’s the turn of everyone to have go with their own cucumber, balls and lube. Adam talks the audience through ‘The Wiggle’, ‘Rock Around the Cock’, ‘Hand Grenade’, ‘Palm Sunday’ and in no time at we were admiring the techniques of others and giving a helping hand in by what was now a very relaxed party atmosphere.
Wank Bank Masterclass is a stimulating and possibly life-changing show that is enormous fun. Adam is a penis professional who certainly knows how to arouse an audience. With glints in their eyes many couples seemed excited to leave with their newly found talents and head home for an enhanced evening and messy night. If the ladies are wondering when their parts might receive similar attention, developments in that area have been hindered by the lack of a suitable vegetable, but alternative options are being looked into. In the meantime I can’t wait to walk into my local supermarket with the gift bag that has ‘Wank Bank’ emblazoned on the side in big yellow letters.
